"Don't part with your dreams - when they are gone you may still exist but you will have ceased to live" - Mark Twain

"Do you know that this blog wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you being here to read it!?" - Bobby Gill

Monday, 11 August 2008

Obliterating emotions and attaching meaning to events

My best and worst Chris Howard BTS (Breakthrough To Success) in Manchester and why I won't be crewing with them.

I had offered to crew with BTS, as I'd already been last year but the crew have to be there a day early on Thursday, which was my friend Andy and Tricia's wedding. So I was unable to crew with the team for the event and thought I would just turn up as a participant, enjoy it again and help out in any way that I could in the spirit of sharing and giving.

It was to be a weekend of going through various issues such as self worth and confidence and obliterating emotions using techniques for lasting change. Having forgiveness for others and self - and reasons to live and grow more. I'd even managed to get on stage when they asked for a a volunteer. I was on a high and ready to take on life with a new outlook, especially after Transformation Day!

Afterwards I should have gone home but stayed around a little too long. This was to be my best and worst event ever...

I'd waited for the crew to finish as I was going to go for drinks with some friends and then get a lift home with them. Having helped the crew over the last few days, providing some with a place to stay whilst up north and looking after the VIP's (as a fellow human being as opposed to official crew member,) I thought it would be OK to hang out with them.

My bag had gone missing from outside the main room after the end of the event. Having asked hotel staff, someone had moved it to another part of the hotel. The guy took me to a back room where they had it, which was through the crew's afterparty room. As I went to get it I felt a little awkward passing through as I'd not been invited, although decided to stick around on the way back as I thought it was a sign to be there. I wasn't there for the reason I thought, I was to discover later.

My awkwardness meant I did not feel comfortable enough to even have a soft drink as even I would view that as more than cheeky. I helped Bubbles take her stuff to her car whilst the crew went through one of their group rituals. When I got back and sat down, I explained to one of the crew members that even though I was there in body, it felt like my spirit was waiting just outside the door to the room, as I'd not officially been invited in by anyone. She replied that many of them were glad that I was there and it didn't matter - just as she said this, the crew manager came over and asked me to leave. It was just a couple of words, though they cut right through to my heart at that moment in time.

When I asked if I could stay, as it was 'just me' and having been around for a while, she replied that they can't let one participant in, else they would have to let them all in. The rest had gone home when the event had finished 2 hours ago and I was the only one there, though that was not a good enough reason for her.
My expression must have said it all, because she tried to politely ask me to come back next time and crew - it was too late. The damage had been done. I'd been in an open state all weekend as I'd been in a trusting and controlled environment and now I was feeling vulnerable and alone with all these awful feelings and a pain in my chest. I didn't want to be invited back, I just needed someone to say I was welcome now and allow my spirit to be present as well.
I walked straight out without getting a chance to say goodbye to anyone and off to the train station with tears welling up in my eyes... What did this mean? Was I not valued? Did no-one like me? Why did this woman not want me there? Why was I ejected and rejected again? Why did I feel like I did? After such a wonderful weekend and having finished with a changed mindset, why did this happen to make me question all the positive shifts that had happened?

What meaning could I attach to this event and what could I learn that was positive. I sat in an intense upset state in the railway station asking myself why! I could only come up with more negative and bad feeling towards the woman and myself for over 20 minutes! After all, I'd asked for the situation by sticking around and ignoring my intuition when my body told me it shouldn't be there by having left 'me' outside the door to the room.

After half an hour of what felt like an eternity and a reason to roll up and die, I managed to find some positive meaning of why I had to go through the experience that I did. It was just an event involving myself, a couple of words from a third party and the meaning I had given them. The woman didn't mean any harm and had rules to follow, which were more important to her than allowing me to stay. My friends and the other crew are good caring people and wanted me there - and they are always welcome in my home and at my parties anytime. If my confidence had taken a knock again it was because I'd allowed it to happen. I should have listened to my intuition and trusted my gut instincts. I shouldn't go to parties or events that I've not been personally invited to by the host or organiser. I boarded the 10.42pm train for Huddersfield and left my baggage in Manchester.

Read more about my first positive event here: my Chris Howard experience.

Would I recommend that you attend a Chris Howard seminar? Personal feelings aside, it is reasons like this that you DEFINITELY should. Events occur in our life when, during a certain state, a negative thought pops into your head and attaches a particular meaning to an event. It occurs in a moment and can affect the way you behave in many similar situations for the rest of your life.
By attending this seminar you can deal with such issues and challenges that you have had in the past and allow you to move forward in your life by getting rid of limiting decisions and un-resourceful states of emotion by replacing them with positive ones. Ironically, I may even have to go back to get right on what happened to me this evening.

Knowing these techniques as an NLP practitioner and having NLP friends will allow me to deal with what was brought up for me.

I've had much better experience crewing with Tony Robbins, the team and trainers I worked with are much more welcoming and caring, as I have met them many times since crewing at UPW (Unleash The Power Within).
This one small moment had created a negative anchor for BTS and the Chris Howard group and I'm in no rush to remove it. I will question my earlier decision to do the Fast Track in favour of doing Mastery University.
Will I be crewing at the next BTS? Definitely not! If I don't feel valued as a person before applying for a place with them, I don't wish to be in such an enviroment. It was only a supposedly harmless comment made by one person, though it has left a meaning that, at best, tells me not to go anywhere unless I've been personally invited!

It is scary how far the echoes travel of even the smallest of comments and how long the vibrations can still be felt and heard! Words are more powerful than you may think and even I was surprised, as a NLP practitioner, the effect I allowed the words 'can you leave' have on me! The smallest of things can also be just triggers for something bigger and deeper rooted to come up at any time.
Instead of sharing about a brilliant weekend, I am sat here telling you about what it meant to me at the end...

Are you thinking why do I share some of my innermost thoughts and feelings with you and anyone else reading this? It's because my soul feels lighter for writing it and hopefully it will help you learn a little about yourself too. So thanks for stopping by and helping lighten the load.

1 comment:

  1. That was one heart-felt posting. What an interesting story and I just wanted you to not care so much about being asked to leave. Don't let that stop you from hanging around fun people and stepping up to put yourself out there...even if you haven't been invited. Sometimes, it's the unplanned moments and events that open the door to something really magical. I know you, with your fantasticeintuition, know this: you let people and actions you can't control determine your emotional well-being. We all do that to an extent. I'm reading this great book right now titled "Happy for No Reason" by Marci Shimoff. She offers some terrific tools for maintaining your equalibrium despite what the world dishes up. You're a bright soul always. You just let your negative thoughts, habitual stories and mental home movies cloud your connection to your core power. You're amazing to look for the life lesson right away. That will increasingly help you release the experience (and those painful feelings) once you are aware of the gold to be gotten from it.