- repeated criticism
- lots of expressions of contempt (like sarcasm)
- being defensive
- stonewalling, which is where there is NO communication.
If you're at the stage where it may not be working (and before you go to therapy or decide to quit), how about agreeing to watch a film together?
I'm not on about the usual ideal, 'happy ending', Hollywood blockbuster but something with maybe more substance, where you may learn something about people, relationships and yourself.
A new three-year study finds that divorce rates and break-ups were more than halved by watching movies about relationships and discussing them afterwards.
"You might not be able to get your husband into a couples group, especially when you are happy. But watching a movie together and having a discussion, that’s not so scary. It’s less pathologizing, less stigmatizing." - Ronald Rogge (the study's lead author)
After watching the film together, the couple then talk about certain aspects of it, that will reveal what they each think, areas of conflict, possible solutions to work on - and most importantly COMMUNICATION. As if you can talk about the problem, you are on your way to solving it.
Check out the video below and list of films and questions.
It may save your relationship or at least give you some good films to watch :-)
1. What was the main relationship portrayed in the movie? This is the relationship that you will focus on in the following questions.
2. What main problem(s) did this couple face? Are any of these similar to the problems that the two of you have faced or might face as a couple?
3. Did this couple strive to understand each other? Did they tend to accept one another, even if they were very different? Or did the couple tend to attack each others' differences?
- In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
4. Did the couple have a strong friendship with each other? Were they able to support each other through bad moods, stressful days, and hard times? Did they listen to each other like good friends? Did the couple in the movie do considerate or affectionate things for each other?
- In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
5. How did the couple handle arguments or differences of opinion? Were they able to open up and tell each other how they really felt, or did they tend to just snap at each other with anger? Did they try using humor to keep things from getting nasty? Did it feel like they were really trying to understand each other?
- In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
-----------------
Sources:
Article at:
http://www.spring.org.uk/2014/02/10-psychology-studies-every-lover-should-know.php
http://www.spring.org.uk/2013/07/the-four-things-that-kill-a-relationship-stone-dead.php
Dr. Ron Rogge - Associate Professor in the Department of Clinical and Social Sciences in Psychology at the University of Rochester
http://www.courses.rochester.edu/surveys/funk/
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