Murphy's Landlord Laws

Have any of the following ever happened to you?  This list could go on but I'm sure you get the idea...  (Yes, most of them are true!)  Who'd be crazy enough to want to be a Landlord?

Bobby

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• That quiet young single mother with the baby that you rented to, will start dating the mad motorcycle man from hell (and several of his friends) the very next week.
• Tenants have at least one relative get sick or die per month, so they will just have to pay you later.
• If a tenant attempts to replace the washer in a tap, plan on replacing the taps and perhaps all the plumbing in the building.
• Prospective tenants who make an appointment to see your property across town, often get kidnapped on the way there, so there was just no way they could call you.
• Tenants only lock themselves out in the middle of the night or when you're out of town.
• When the heating breaks in mid-winter, it is always the boiler.
• At least one tenant's cheque will be "lost in the mail" every month.
• For some unknown reason, the bank won't pay their rent and the tenant will claim it is the bank's fault.
• Their standing order will mysteriously get cancelled for no apparent reason.
• Every lost pet will find its way to your empty property.
• B&Q closes five minutes before you get there.
• A tenant's ability to see dirt and damage is much greater when they move in than when they move out.
• Your best tenants always get job transfers during the worst rental markets.
• Everything in your rental property will break 10 times faster than in your own home.
• Tenants always swear under oath that the window was broken when they moved in.
• When a tenant calls and says, "Hi, how are you?" something is drastically wrong.
• If it exists, your tenant will try to flush it down the toilet.
• If you have any questions about anything, ask your tenants.
• If it is pouring rain, you can be sure the windows are open at one or more at your units.
• If it's a nice day, you can be sure the heating is on at one or more of your units.
• Proper disposal of chewing gum is in the carpet.
• If it isn't broke - it soon will be.
• If your tenant is in doubt if they brought the TV stand with them, they will take it when leaving - just to be on the safe side.
• When tenants leave you 'gifts' it is never anything you really wanted.
• The landlord will be asked to replace the microwave that the previous tenant left, with a new one!
• The tenant will ask you to replace the carpet because they've not had time to vacuum it or because it is your fault you didn't provide a vacuum cleaner.
• In a HMO it is always the other tenant that did it.
• Days after moving in, your tenant will no longer have a job and will now be on Government support DSS/LHA.
• When rents are on time, your letting agent is available and happy that he is providing a good service.  When rents are late, the letting agent is always busy and it is not his fault that the rents haven't been collected.
• When you can't get through to your tenant on the phone, you can be assured that when you go round they won't be at home either.
• Major leaks ONLY occur on bank holidays and during the Christmas period.
• The plumber that is going to be on time is the third one you book, after waiting days for the other two not to show up.
• The tenant is only cat-sitting the cat you see and it's not theirs.
• When it's sunny your bank manager will give you an umbrella - but when it rains they will either try to take it away from you or shoot holes in it.
• The job you hire a contractor to do will cost and take at least three times as long as it would for you to do it.
• When your rents are late, the banks can be guaranteed to still take their money and make your tenant's problems, your problems!
• When in court and a landlord and a tenant walk in, whoever is the landlord is automatically guilty even before the case is heard.