"Don't part with your dreams - when they are gone you may still exist but you will have ceased to live" - Mark Twain

"Do you know that this blog wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you being here to read it!?" - Bobby Gill

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Why do we keep making the same mistakes?

Great article, thanks to Eloise Ansell of Flourishment for posting this link on facebook.

An exercise that gets people to look at why they repeat the same behaviour over and over again.

Either we need to change our behaviour OR acknowledge that it is what we do and are 'happy' to continue (hence won't complain about it ever again!) At least it gives everyone else some peace and quiet!

The definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results [Einstein]

Bobby :-)


One question that arises often in practice is “Why do I keep making the same mistakes?”

The question that could trigger us to think outside the box is “How does it serve you to keep making mistakes?” “What is the payoff?”

This requires a pen, paper, and sitting down HONESTLY and writing a list of what you gain from making mistakes or whatever your rut is.

You can make a list for one of your addictions, habits, and/or neediness’ i.e. a behaviour you are driven to do. Identify something that you are compelled to do and cannot stop doing but would like to have a choice to do or not to do.

Then make a list of what you gain from this behaviour. What is the payoff every time you behave in this way.

For example, one client used over-eating as an example. She began to write the list of what she gains by over-eating, such as:“Comfort” “Love”, “Importance”, “Calm” “Relaxation” “Fun”, “Joy”, “Happiness”, “

Once you make your list look at it closely. You can see that the list is a list of what you lack.

Next re-experience your driven behaviour, feel it as though you are doing it right now and then feel everything you gain from it, as in the example: love, comfort, importance. Really live the driven behaviour, how you cannot stop it and then really feel what you gain from the behaviour: such as love, comfort and so forth.

Now you should see that your driven behaviour is dishonest and your addiction-acknowledge this out loud to yourself.

At this point just seeing that our driven behaviours are supplying us with something believe we lack shifts our awareness. We shift from thinking we are just helpless victims of our addictions to seeing that we are fulfilling a goal that undermines us in the end. Of course there are many other goals we have I look forward to hearing the goals you have found that you are addicted to achieving.

Source: http://leurbanretreat.wordpress.com/exercises/