Why I don’t celebrate/do Birthdays in the traditional sense… and where I’m at now.
My new year usually starts on my birthday, when I reflect on life, where I’ve been and where I’d like to go.
What is it about birthdays and completing another full orbit of the Sun from the first day we are born and see it? Some people enjoy them, others don’t.
The day of birth itself, of a star child choosing to be born on planet Earth, should be enough in itself and the only ‘birth day’ of importance or consequence.
First we want to have as many birthdays as soon as possible, in a rush to grow up, then we wish time would slow and we’d have longer to make the orbit.
Too many people then start to count and worry about the orbits that they have around the fire at the centre of our solar system (that we barely know anything about, never mind the rock that we stand on).
Shouldn’t we be more concerned about what we do with the time we have than the ‘time’ passing by?
So why don’t I celebrate birthdays?
(You can substitute birthdays, with Christmas, New Year, Valentines Day or any holiday where you’re made to feel you can’t be alone and/or made to feel that you must buy stuff for others to show you care).
Well birthdays (holidays) are supposed to be wonderful days with energy focused on them and everything happening as you wish. But how often didn’t the day go to plan, someone let you down, nobody showed up, you didn’t get what you wanted or something horrible happened?
Was it more often than something amazing happened on that day? Wishes weren’t fulfilled, hopes weren’t met creating an unpleasant memory.
The problem is expectations. Reality can’t always meet them. And these days are ‘meant’ (pressured) to be perfect through expectations, wishes and others telling you.
Yet all the other days of the year without the expectations often turn out pretty well if you let them, without attaching so much emotion. Many of them are pretty outstanding if you think about it.
Oh, another reason I don’t enjoy them much is a lot of these days happen in Winter for me - a time when it’s cold, wet, miserable and as other sensitive people that are tuned in and affected by the environment will tell you; it’s just a nice time to be indoors, less social, relax and hibernate as nature intended.
So I don’t value birthdays as much as others do, hence I may not remember yours or wish you a happy one.
That does not mean I don’t care about you - or think about you more often than once or twice a year.
It’s the idea of the birthday itself I don’t value as opposed to the people that have them :-)
I’d rather see you, meet with you and laugh with you any day of the year - to make it worthwhile and memorable.
With regards to gifts, people usually give others what they themselves value highly and would like.
As a recipient, it is your job to just be grateful for the thought and person doing the giving, no matter what you get (or don’t).
Yes it would be nice to communicate what you like and get that - but gifts are about giving, not the item itself.
You’ve probably heard about the ‘five languages of love’, which is a nice thought to please other people, so you are speaking their language, with gifts being one of them - but there is something called ‘real love’ that is unconditional.
‘Real love’ doesn’t rely on people doing the things you want them to, you are just grateful and love them for who they are, as they are, for doing the best they can and being their true selves.
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So, what did I do for my birthday?
The day before I went to finally watch the new Star Wars reboot.
A quiet matinee showing at a time I chose, in a quiet cinema.
(It’s great not following the media and society to need to watch/do things when they want you to)
I received a food hamper of ‘healthy-ish’ snacks from my sister, that she chose.
My current diet suggests I don’t eat a lot of the stuff but I needed the calories so tucked in (I’ll cover that in a moment)
I also Skyped my nephews in Canada (aged 6 and 9) and told them I’d bought them tickets to Star Wars for my birthday and my sister would take them.
(I hadn’t but if they’d been here I would have taken them. Yes they enjoyed the film!)
On my birth day I went for a local pub lunch with my parents and uncle - because that’s all I wanted to do.
In the evening I went to the supermarket to get some milk for the following day and some food. Not very exciting but it also beats getting drunk and hungover!
(Which was expected as a teenager, in your 20’s and unfortunately for the rest of some people’s lives if they haven’t learned or matured much since)
The following day, I got back to the gym and did 40 laps.
New years resolution is start getting fit and healthy again, something I’d stopped doing after getting ill in late Autumn.
Did I need more stuff to be happy? No. Just to do some nice things that I wanted to do.
One of my better birthday weekends to be honest.
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I usually don’t tell/remind people it’s my birthday but I’d not been well recently so it’s the first time I’d left it on my FB and left my status open for people to leave messages, as I could really use that extra ‘juice’ and goodwill to get over this last hurdle.
I wasn’t expecting the first-time messages from ‘networkers’ cloaked as gifts and self-promotion - or people I’m not even sure how they got on my friends list, good time to have a purge I guess!
I do appreciate everyone that has sent a card, gift, message, good wishes - and I also appreciate those of you that didn’t, for still being there for me when I need you.
Of course birthdays aside, I’m still grateful for EVERY day I wake up and there’s no wood (of the ‘coffin’ variety as opposed to ‘morning glory’)
A few years ago my life and health started fluctuating, getting worse just before this Xmas but now on the mend. Like seasons, it was just a time and phase we all have to go through to some degree at different times in our lives.
Losing my business, work, home, health, relationships and having ’nothing’ was a humbling experience. Although one I would never want to wish away as if it never happened.
I remember a friend who I worked with that used to say “If only they had my problems and me theirs, then they wouldn’t complain!”
I’d reply that everyone is fighting a hard fight and has challenges and we should be grateful for just our troubles - and not wish them on anyone else or ask for theirs.
It is in those low moments of visiting nothing, where you find out what is real. I say visiting, as some people forget and stay there leading to severe depression and worse.
This of course did lead to depression (which can come in many forms) and is also known as “the dark night of the soul.”
The reason people have problems is because they think it’s only them and don’t share them, with the aim of getting another viewpoint and solution (as opposed to having people give you attention and ‘feel sorry’ for you.)
Tell someone, talk about it, ask for help and be prepared to accept it.
Most people won't judge you as they have similar problems themselves.
You just have to be vulnerable and put yourself out there.
On top of that my nerves were shot as well and I literally had no energy… I’d lost my ‘mojo’ :-(
Stomach issues, meant I was not travelling much and the simple social interaction of meeting for lunch or having a drink was difficult - so I wouldn’t. It also meant I'd inadvertently found a new rapid weight-loss plan (being ill is definitely a plan I wouldn't recommend).
Not wanting to get up on a morning or leave the house, which rolled one day to the next.
I thought it was life and stress that was causing a clear out of all the shit in my life.
I tried all sorts, from homeopaths, nutritionists, acupuncture, chinese herbal medicine, meditation, Qi Gong, psychic surgeons, intuitives etc.. all with no permanent solution. Just a knowing that I would be well again soon.
Being near a bathroom was my biggest concern… too much information?
Having to do a Usain Bolt beating 100 metre dash at a moment’s notice was priority most of the time.
Well I finally went to the hospital in the New Year and put my faith and trust in the doctors. I had a camera up my bum and down my throat (different cameras, not the same one!) to finally give me the all clear. Now is that too much info?
I did ask if they did souvenir DVD’s for me to upload to Youtube but they don’t (now that would be too much).
Funnily enough I’ve been feeling much better since. I think they give you the hospital food and procedures so you DON’T want to stick around!
It was a great experience being unwell, as although I may not have got all the answers I needed to help me, I learned loads and probably gathered enough info to help people with their random problems. When we have a challenge in our lives, it forces us to look at it and find the lessons we need to learn so we can move on.
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Now if birthdays aren’t important to me, what is?
Moments are what is important.
I’d rather have more magical moments, feelings and memories than revolutions around the sun. It’s special moments that make it all worthwhile.
What is a moment?
When you are happy, grateful and enjoying yourself.
Be it alone, in nature or with other people.
All we need to do is share a smile, hug, a few kind words to create a moment and memory that you can cherish. It doesn’t have to happen at a particular time, it can be anytime and even when you least expect it.
'At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.' - Maya Angelou
There used to be a time when I’d catch up will people all the time, I’d even jump on a plane if I’d promised to be somewhere to meet someone.
I realise I’ve not seen or spoken to a lot of people but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you or not thought of you. I know everyone else is going through their own challenges, so expecting them to be part of mine would have been unfair.
Well I’ve started to get my energy back and the mojo has returned.
So it’s time for me to make amends for my extended absence and give solace to others.
- So now, if you want to catch up and chat, about anything, from life, health, relationships, love, depression, personal development or fun times. Send me a message.
I’ll even help you find your mojo if it’s been missing for a while!
- If you want to meet up to talk about your properties, business, online marketing, then you can buy me lunch and I can help you make/save money. I used to do free Skype calls but after putting in many hours helping people (because I wanted to), I found it strange that if I asked them to take 5 minutes to write me a two sentence testimonial, I wouldn’t hear back.
Not that it was an expectation, it just made me wonder if people valued my time if I didn’t value it.
Hence now you’re going to have to come to me and at least buy me lunch if it’s a money related discussion you’re after. I love to help, so would do it for free - but it’s good to be fed and eat as well.
I know I need to get out more and I’m sure you do too! So give me a shout.
The great thing about varied life experiences is that everyone has a lot of experience to draw upon and learn from, as well as share with other.
Also once you’ve been in some dark, strange, weird places in life, they make great stories that you can laugh about afterwards. A sense of humour is a must to survive life without going completely mad.
This invitation is open to any of my friends I know, have spoken to, met in person or chatted online. So if that isn’t you, it would just be weird.
Also I’m not suggesting you invite me to any ‘business opportunities’ or ‘cult meetings’ (as much as I secretly enjoy such things and a good social), I like to be told in advance where I’m going.
Don’t worry my rants aren’t as random/mental in real life (or are they?)
I like to get my thoughts out of the way on my blog when I can, it’s a safe place for them and believe it or not they’re edited as well!
Remember think about anything you want, while you still can - before thinking is made illegal!
Anyway, I’m not going to wish you a happy birthday in advance or later - I just want to wish you HAPPY DAYS as often as possible.
See you soon and lets create some memories,
Bobby :-)
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