"Don't part with your dreams - when they are gone you may still exist but you will have ceased to live" - Mark Twain

"Do you know that this blog wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you being here to read it!?" - Bobby Gill
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Do you want to build and grow your network or community?

6 years ago Simon Zutshi asked me to work with him to create and grow the online media presence of property investors network ‘pin’.

He’d seen me online and knew I was active within various online communities, as well as hosting my own events - in Property, Business and Internet Marketing.

I’d been doing online marketing for a long time and active on Facebook using paid Advertising (since 2008) before a lot of the big corporates were even aware of online marketing.

I’d also helped at and supported many personal development events, from local YES Groups to bigger Tony Robbins UPW events and similar.

As well as booking speakers for events, it was important for me to provide outstanding customer service to attendees as well, as I’d been to too many events where the organisers lacked integrity and each person was just a 'lead'. Things sometimes do go wrong and we all make mistakes - but when no-one takes actual responsibility for actions, service suffers and so does ‘word of mouth’ (and now social media posts) about your company.

People will remember how you make them feel and if you care enough to provide excellent service, which is more than just ‘good enough’. (Thanks to Graham Hill, Regional Director – Buckinghamshire & Bedfordshire of Shopper Anonymous for that reminder yesterday #FSB)

People are the most important part of any community or business.

Working with pin was a good fit, as one of my biggest values is that people should have a good time and feel valued. I would be able to help create that community online.

When I started with ‘pin’, I took on the task of creating and building the online presence of the property investors network across various online platforms and company websites. This grew from a few meetings to 50+ meetings and I was responsible for maintaining their online presence. Once I’d systemised all this, it became easier to scale and grow the online exposure.
The online marketing was all bootstrapped but has grown to a successful and large presence, had I bigger budget to work with I’d have done an even better job.

I also provided training & support to pin meeting Hosts on how to best use social media effectively, to connect with people and increase exposure for the meetings they ran in their local areas. Another task I took on was to keep on eye on the online reputation of Simon Zutshi, the company and the meetings.

As well as the online social media presence, I supported the Mastermind community by making sure information was easy to find on the forum and help them out with any queries they had, whether it was my ‘department’ or not. Either I’d sort it out myself or find the best person to help them.

All your clients (and team) are important, especially those that have paid for first class support.
This belief is what enabled me to provide the best service I could whilst at pin for many years.

In my spare time (Entrepreneurs don’t take evenings or weekends off, unless they want to take a holiday) I would also support on other events and help other Property education providers, as long as there was no conflict of interest.

After being there for over 5 years, it was time to move on.
So I have now moved to Milton Keynes. Why you ask? Why not?
It is closer and easily accessible to all the places I usually visit, from Birmingham & London being within 1 hour or so drive.  It was also good for a fresh start and to work on some new projects.

I’m now looking for a new challenge.  
Are you in property, personal development or a business related field and want to improve your service and/or reach? 
Or maybe you just want to create a community to share your love or hobby? 
Even if your idea is to start a Nicolas Cage Appreciation Society, get in touch.

If you have a business and no time to do it yourself, then why not give me a call and see how I can help.  My past experience and long-term view will help save you and your team many hours and tens of thousands by setting up things right to start with.
As I did when I advised a new property education startup earlier this month on the best way to set up and move forward.
The digital landscape has changed a lot in the last few years again, so don't think that trying to copy someone else will help you remain ahead anymore.   It's not just what you see at the front end that counts but how it is managed in the background that matters.

You can find out more and contact me on Facebook , Twitter and LinkedIn

I also prefer to work with people I know, so if this is of interest to you, read the mini-CV below and get back to me if I can help you in any way 😀 👍

[full CV available on request]

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Solutions focused Systems & Operations Freelancer looking to contribute extensive experience towards supporting progressive organisations in optimising their performance. Through increased efficiency by systemising, making things simpler by automating frequent processes, serving clients and having happier customers by meeting their needs and over-delivering on expectations.

My background is in Engineering, Property, Systems, Networking and Training Events and Social Media/Digital Marketing.

Engineering has given me an analytical background and project management skills which come in useful with jobs that require attention to detail and planning.

I have been involved in property investment and education since 2001, learning valuable lessons through boom and bust, and know many of the experts and trainers in the UK.

Attended a lot of personal development, business and entrepreneur seminars and paid for high-end coaching over the last 10 years.

As well as attending these events, I've also set-up, organised and hosted networking events, as well as helping out and crewing for many training courses.

Extensive background in social media and online marketing, website design from SEO to funnel creation, including paid marketing and CRM.

I'm more than competent in a lot of fields, although not a self-proclaimed expert or goo-roo. I realise I can always learn more and be better at everything. I'm a polymath (Renaissance man) with curiosity and many hobbies, talents and areas of interest and expertise, therefore I have a wide knowledge base that I can draw on and use in other areas to solve problems and for success.  I can explain what needs to be done in simple language, by removing fluff that some experts use to complicate things to justify their position.  I will listen to your ideas and recommend creative solutions & improvements.  I offer highly professional consulting and honest opinions and feedback, always acting in the client's best interest.

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So if any of that is of interest, contact me today on Facebook , Twitter  and LinkedIn or call if you've got my number and not rung me for a long time anyway. Always happy to meet up and have a chat.

. . .

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Relationships Aren't Always Easy - So Go To The Movies

Apparently there are four things that kills relationships stone dead according to Professor John Gottman:
- repeated criticism
- lots of expressions of contempt (like sarcasm)
- being defensive
- stonewalling, which is where there is NO communication.

If you're at the stage where it may not be working (and before you go to therapy or decide to quit), how about agreeing to watch a film together?
I'm not on about the usual ideal, 'happy ending', Hollywood blockbuster but something with maybe more substance, where you may learn something about people, relationships and yourself.


A new three-year study finds that divorce rates and break-ups were more than halved by watching movies about relationships and discussing them afterwards.

"You might not be able to get your husband into a couples group, especially when you are happy. But watching a movie together and having a discussion, that’s not so scary. It’s less pathologizing, less stigmatizing." - Ronald Rogge (the study's lead author)

After watching the film together, the couple then talk about certain aspects of it, that will reveal what they each think, areas of conflict, possible solutions to work on - and most importantly COMMUNICATION. As if you can talk about the problem, you are on your way to solving it.

Check out the video below and list of films and questions.

It may save your relationship or at least give you some good films to watch :-)



Original Movie List from the Study

A Star Is Born (1954)Mr. Blandings Builds his Dreamhouse (1948)
Judy Garland and James MasonCary Grant and Myrna Loy
Adam's Rib (1949)My Favorite Wife (1940)
Spencer Tracy and Katharine HepburnIrene Dunne and Cary Grant
Anna Karenina (2012)Nina Takes a Lover (1994)
Keira Knightley and Jude LawLaura San Giacomo and Paul Rhys
As Good as it Gets (1997)Nine Months (1995)
Jack Nicholson and Helen HuntHugh Grant and Julianne Moore
Barefoot in the Par (1967)On Golden Pond (1981)
Robert Redford and Jane FondaKatharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda
Children of a Lesser God (1986)Pat and Mike (1952)
William Hurt and Marlee MatlinSpencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn
Days of Wine and Roses (1962)Penny Serenade (1941)
Jack Lemmon and Lee RemickCary Grant and Irene Dunne
Desk Set (1957)Phffft [Pfft!] (1954)
Spencer Tracy and Katharine HepburnJudy Holliday and Jack Lemmon
Dying Young (1991)Red Firecracker, Green Firecracker (1994)
Julia Roberts and Campbell ScottJing Ning and Gang Wu
Fools Rush In (1997)She's Having a Baby (1988)
Matthew Perry and Salma HayekKevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern
Forget Paris (1995)Steel Magnolias (1989)
Billy Crystal and Debra WingerShirley MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis
French Twist (1995)Terms of Endearment (1983)
Patrick Aubrée and Josiane BalaskoShirley MacLaine and Debra Winger
Funny Girl (1968)The Devil's Advocate (1997)
Barbra Streisand and Omar SharifKeanu Reeves and Al Pacino
Gone With the Wind (1939)The Egg and I (1947)
Clark Gable and Vivien LeighClaudette Colbert and Fred MacMurray
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)The Male Animal (1942)
Spencer Tracy and Sidney PoitierHenry Fonda and Olivia de Havilland
Hanover Street (1979)The Out of Towners (1970)
Harrison Ford and Lesley-Anne DownJack Lemon and Sandy Dennis
Husbands and Wives (1992)The Thin Man (1934)
Woody Allen and Mia FarrowWilliam Powell and Myrna Loy
Indecent Proposal (1993)The Way We Were (1973)
Robert Redford and Demi MooreBarbara Streisand and Robert Redford
Jungle Fever (1991)Untamed Heart (1993)
Wesley Snipes and Anna SciorraChristian Slater and Marisa Tomei
Love Jones (1997)When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Larenz Tate and Nia LongMeg Ryan and Andy Garcia
Love Story (1970)Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'NealElizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton
Made for Each Other (1939)With Six You Get Eggroll (1968)
Carol Lombard and Jimmy StewartDoris Day and Brian Keith
Mississippi Masala (1991)Yours, Mine and Ours (1968)
Denzel Washington and Sarita ChoudhuryHenry Fonda and Lucille Ball
Move Over, Darling (1963)
Doris Day and James Garner

Additional Movies

American Beauty (1999)Obsessed (2009)
Kevin Spacey and Annette BeningBeyoncé Knowles and Idris Elba
Anger Management (2003)Something's Gotta Give (2003)
Jack Nicholson and Adam SandlerJack Nicholson and Diane Keaton
Autumn in New York (2000)Surviving Christmas (2004)
Richard Gere and Winona RyderBen Affleck and Christina Applegate
Bee Season (2005)Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
Richard Gere and Juliette BinocheReese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey
Before Sunset (2004)Sweet November (2001)
Ethan Hawke and Julie DelpyKeanu Reeves and Charlize Theron
Blue valentine (2010)Terms of Endearment (1983)
Ryan Gosling and Michelle WilliamsShirley MacLaine and Debra Winger
Coal Miner's Daughter (1980)The Five-year Engagement (2012)
Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee JonesJason Segel and Emily Blunt
Couples Retreat (2009)The Back-up Plan (2010)
Vince Vaughn and Malin AkermanJennifer Lopez and Alex O'Loughlin
Crooklyn (1994)The Big Wedding (2013)
Alfre Woodard and Delroy LindoRobert De Niro and Diane Keaton
Date Night (2010)The Bounty Hunter (2010)
Steve Carell and Tina FeyJennifer Aniston and Gerald Butler
Deliver Us From Eva (2003)The Break-up (2006)
Gabrielle Union and LL Cool JJennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn
Devil Wears Prada (2006)The Campaign (2012)
Anne Hathaway and Meryl StreepWill Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis
The Devil's Advocate (1997)The Door in the Floor (2004)
Keanu Reeves and Charlize TheronJeff Bridges and Kim Basinger
The Family Man (2000)The Glass House (2001)
Nicolas Cage and Téa LeoniDiane Lane and Leelee Sobieski
Fatal Attraction (1987)The Good Girl (2002)
Michael Douglas and Glenn CloseJennifer Aniston and Jake Gyllenhaal
Father of the bride (1991)The Horse Whisperer (1998)
Steve Martin and Diane KeatonRobert Redford and Kristin Scott Thomas
Fool's Gold (2008)The Marriage Chronicles (2012)
Matthew McConaughey and Kate HudsonJazsmin Lewis and Darrin Dewitt Henson
Four Christmases (2008)The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)
Reese Witherspoon and Vince VaughnBarbra Streisand and Jeff Bridges
Her (2013)The Money Pit (1986)
Joaquin Phoenix and Amy AdamsTom Hanks and Shelley Long
Hope Springs (2012)The Notebook (2004)
Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee JonesRyan Gosling and Rachel McAdams
It's Complicated,(2009)The Story of Us (1999)
Meryl Streep and Steve MartinBruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer
Julie & Julia (2009)Think Like a Man (2012)
Amy Adams and Meryl StreepChris Brown and Gabrielle Union
Jumping the Broom (2011)True Lies (1994)
Paula Patton and Laz AlonsoArnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis
Just Married (2003)Unfaithful (2002)
Ashton Kutcher and Brittany MurphyRichard Gere and Diane Lane
Life as we know it (2010)Waiting to Exhale (1995)
Katherine Heigl and Josh DuhamelWhitney Houston and Angela Bassett
Longtime Companion (1989)Wanderlust (2012)
Stephen Caffrey and Patrick CassidyJennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd
Love and other drugs (2010)What Lies Beneath (2000)
Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne HathawayHarrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer
Marley and Me (2008)When a man loves a woman (1994)
Owen Wilson and Jennifer AnistonMeg Ryan and Andy Garcia
Meet the Fockers (2004)Why did I get married? (2007)
Ben Stiller and Robert De NiroTyler Perry and Janet Jackson
Monster-in-law (2005)You, Me and Dupre (2006)
Jennifer Lopez and Michael VartanKate Hudson and Owen Wilson
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)Don Jon (2013)
Brad Pitt and Angelina JolieJoseph Gordon-Levitt and Scarlett Johansson
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)Before Midnight (2013)
Jim Carrey and Kate WinsletEthan Hawke and Julie Delpy
The Best Man Holiday (2013)This Is 40 (2012)
Monica Calhoun and Morris ChestnutPaul Rudd and Leslie Mann

After watching the films, the couple then go through a series of questions as follows:

1. What was the main relationship portrayed in the movie? This is the relationship that you will focus on in the following questions.

2. What main problem(s) did this couple face? Are any of these similar to the problems that the two of you have faced or might face as a couple?

3. Did this couple strive to understand each other? Did they tend to accept one another, even if they were very different? Or did the couple tend to attack each others' differences?
- In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?

4. Did the couple have a strong friendship with each other? Were they able to support each other through bad moods, stressful days, and hard times? Did they listen to each other like good friends? Did the couple in the movie do considerate or affectionate things for each other?
- In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?

5. How did the couple handle arguments or differences of opinion? Were they able to open up and tell each other how they really felt, or did they tend to just snap at each other with anger? Did they try using humor to keep things from getting nasty? Did it feel like they were really trying to understand each other?
- In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?



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Sources:
Article at:
http://www.spring.org.uk/2014/02/10-psychology-studies-every-lover-should-know.php
http://www.spring.org.uk/2013/07/the-four-things-that-kill-a-relationship-stone-dead.php

Dr. Ron Rogge - Associate Professor in the Department of Clinical and Social Sciences in Psychology at the University of Rochester
http://www.courses.rochester.edu/surveys/funk/

Sunday, 25 May 2014

The Hidden Dynamics That Inspire Leadership and Trust - Simon Sinek

Great lessons on Leadership. How to build trust and connection with people around you.

I felt it was a great video and wanted to share it with you.

Email is great for exchange of information, phoning and meeting people is actually better. It shows you care and prepared to put time and energy into your communication and relationships.  I meet up with friends as often as possible and give people my time.
At times it is quicker/easier to reach a lot of people via email or other mass media.  This connection is weaker but I still hope you value it and take time to watch the video to benefit yourself and those around you.

People feel more comfortable around those they can trust in an organisation/team/family/company and know they've got their back. Do you feel this way around your colleagues? What about companies you deal with? Are they looking out for themselves only or for your interests? Do they give others credit or try to steal credit from them because they don't feel safe?
Groups like this cause stress and cortisol, which makes people self-interested, less empathic and less generous - only caring about themselves.  This has a negative knock-on affect to those around them.

Leadership is not a rank or position in an organisation, it is about a decision to look after the people around you.

Watch the video and meet your Happy chemicals: endorphins, dopamine, seratonin and oxytocin

Remember, I got your back!

Regards,
Bobby :-)





In this in-depth talk, ethnographer and leadership expert Simon Sinek reveals the hidden dynamics that inspire leadership and trust. In biological terms, leaders get the first pick of food and other spoils, but at a cost. When danger is present, the group expects the leader to mitigate all threats even at the expense of their personal well-being. Understanding this deep-seated expectation is the key difference between someone who is just an "authority" versus a true "leader." 

A trained ethnographer and the author of Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action, Simon Sinek has held a life-long curiosity for why people and organizations do the things they do. Studying the leaders and companies that make the greatest impact in the world and achieve a more lasting success than others, he discovered the formula that explains how they do it.

Sinek's amazingly simple idea, The Golden Circle, is grounded in the biology of human decision-making and is changing how leaders and companies think and act.

His innovative views on business and leadership have earned him invitations to meet with an array of leaders and organizations, including Microsoft, Dell, SAP, Intel, Chanel, Members of the United States Congress, and the Ambassadors of Bahrain and Iraq.
Sinek recently became an adjunct staff member of the RAND Corporation, one of the most highly regarded think tanks in the world. He also works with the non-profit Education for Employment Foundation to help create opportunities for young men and women in the Middle East region. He lives in New York, where he teaches graduate level strategic communications at Columbia University.


For more on this topic, check out Sinek's latest book Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don't.

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Communication - Who's Responsible?

'Communication' is derived from the Latin word 'communis', which means 'to make common' and thus 'to make known', the same thing.  So the communication depends on our ability to understand the other person's point of view.
Good communication skills are necessary to creating and maintaining strong friendships, networks and contacts.


When you say something, it includes all your experience and filters.  When the message is received, it is perceived through the experience/filters of the person listening (and through their thoughts and little voice) before it is decoded by them.  You then get a response which shows if your message was received as it had been intended.
It helps if you speak in terms the other person will understand and you can elicit this by asking questions.

For good communication it requires both parties to actively listen, ask questions, answer them and respect the other person's model of the world.

With regards to the communication of the message, is it your responsibility or theirs?
Who is responsible for the perception and decoding?

What are the blocks to communication?
Not listening, not asking questions, not answering questions and forcing your model of the world on the other person.


Sometimes people say they want things but they really don't.  Questions are the best way to find out information. Their responses to questions and actions give them away.  If someone truly wanted something and was willing to accept your help, they'd listen to you and be prepared to give it a go - as it might get them the results they want.  When they won't answer the questions, start making excuses (disguised as reasons), then they are more committed to the way things are than to change.

Also people always know better themselves, from experience and are happier to continue doing what they've always done. It does mean they'll always get what they've got but that doesn't matter as it is easier and right to be that way for them.  They prefer their experience, model and what they 'know' to be true more than being open to any new information.

In practice coaching sessions with others, the instructor might have told you to be a good client - but what happens when someone chooses not to be a good client or prefers to make things hard - is the failing yours or theirs?


Have you ever noticed how family and loved ones and those close to you seem to ignore what you say?
Yet if a stranger comes up and says something you've already mentioned they are more likely to action or believe it.  Of course this only applies once they've established 'some' basic trust with those strangers.

It's not that they don't care, they have just taken you for granted because it is 'you' and that's the way you always are.  The other people and 'strangers' - who they don't know well enough to realise they are humans too and no better (or worse) than you or I.  

On a sidenote: I realised a while ago there is no point in helping someone who does not want your help. This decision made life so much easier and should be something that everyone thinks about carefully.


In coaching they say you should 'sack' your clients that don't want to be held accountable and make things difficult.  With family it's not so easy to 'sack' them.

The easier way to deal with these situations is to spend less time discussing matters with those that have taken you for granted.  Then next time you communicate they may value what you have to say more, if they've missed you.
If they don't though, then no worries.  They might eventually 'sack' you if you're lucky!

Do your best to communicate the best way you can and don't take the responsibility for the other people you talk to.  Like dancing it takes two to tango and have a meaningful communication!

Want people to listen? From the example of my friend Silent Bob - it might be best to talk less and only speak when it's important.  Then what you say will have a huge impact!
Jay of course disagrees but he's not a very good listener either.

(Here's a clip for Kevin Smith fans, expletives are for shock value only)

http://www.youtube.com/embed/PnGGD4VPvT8

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Communication - Power of words

I was playing football and shouted for a handball. Everyone stopped and after debating for a minute or two they decided it wasn't a foul. That was when one of my team players turned round and said "Shut up Bobby!"
Well I wasn't expecting that but decided to take it literally, after all he was a 'better' player than me (his opinion, not mine).

As the game went on I was unable to shout for the ball when I was in a good position so we missed opportunities. There was another obvious handball but I couldn't call it, waiting for someone else to - but everyone played on. When my team mate was being chased down by the opposition, I didn't shout 'man on' so he was taken unaware and tackled. Clearly none of this was beneficial for anyone.

I couldn't figure out why it always appears that our communication issues are always someone else's fault!?
So even though the communication was clear for me to not say anything, by me not communicating meant it made the game worse for my team too. A lot of the camaraderie and fun of playing football also disappeared.  Think I'll say what I feel is right next time and let the 'better' players let their football skills do the talking instead.

How do you communicate with people? Words can be very powerful - even by merely using them or not. Clarity is also important to make sure your message is received. You can use positive words to inspire your team as easily as using negative words to discourage them.

The words that come out of your mouth really do create your reality. What words do you hear every day in your environment and from the people around you? More importantly, how clearly do you communicate and the mind the language that you use?

Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all. Did you know that Buckminster Fuller took a “year of silence” during which he pondered his purpose in life?

Happy thoughts lead to happy words and vice versa. Putting a smile on someone face is just as easy as not doing. What choice will you consciously make next time you open your mouth?